An actual conversation in my house tonight

September 3, 2012

Steve: The cat has something to tell you

(cue meowing cat)

Steve: She has killed something and wants to tell you about it.

Me: What, do you speak Cat now?

Steve: She’s probably killed a rat.

Me: No way, we don’t have rats. She probably killed a mosquito.

Steve: We do have rats, they live in the compost. I found a dead one under the house. It was half-eaten

(Me staring at him)

Me: Why don’t you tell me these things?

Steve: I don’t want you to freak out.

Me: Why would I freak out? I wouldn’t freak out. I’m not afraid of rats.

Steve: They sit by your bed, staring at you while you sleep.

(Steve stares at me, twirls imaginary whiskers)

Me: Thanks for that.


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