Where dem boys at?

February 13, 2012

I’ve been a bit intimidated to blog after the success of the last post. Now y’all will have high expectations and stuff. But I have a few more things to say about the last post.

I checked my blog stats tonight. See, I realised the other day that I should be counting the homepage hits as well as the direct hits on my latest post.



Sure those aren’t ‘unique visitors’ and a bunch of those were me, going back to check the post so I could ask myself what I wrote that struck a cord with so many people.

I almost didn’t publish that post. Filled with self-doubt, my finger hovered over the button for ages (ok, seconds) before hitting ‘publish’. But I’m glad I did. I lost count of how many of my friends linked to it (including a fabulous major feminist blog I follow).

Something about what I posted moved people. I think it was because many many women could relate. They could see their own stories and experiences in the post. They could feel the same frustration I have felt. They could see how this happens to us all. Perhaps they felt less alone for a moment. Perhaps they also felt some of that anger and so they shared/linked to the post so they could point somewhere else without exposing themselves and say ‘Look! Look at what we women have to live with. Look at how we spend our lives feeling slightly nervous all the time and downright scared some of the time. LOOK! IT’S NOT FAIR DAMMIT!!’ (Ok, maybe that last part was just me.)

Oh, the tragedy is that I could have kept writing. I could have included other examples of discrimination that women experience. It could have been endless….

Significantly, I was also aware that only my female friends shared the post* and I only spotted one male friend of mine ‘liking’ it on my facebook feed. (Somebody buy that man a beverage of his choice.) I lurked on my friends threads after they reposted it but same thing. Only women ‘liking’ and commenting.

And quite frankly, that’s not good enough.

I’m pissed off about that. Again, I’ll just say that I’m sure many men out there are good allies and abhor violence and call out other people on bad behaviour. But I really really hoped some more men would have recognised that they a) could have learned something from this post and b) could have helped educate others.

Maybe they read it and thought about it. That would be good. I’m just pointing out they could have taken some small action as well. Maybe they still will and I’ll never know about it. And I can live with that.

A second male friend of mine commented on the blog itself and this is what he said:

Karin. This is awesome. As a male, who works hard to not be one of the objectifiers, it has made me realise that men really don’t understand the harm they do just as racists can’t see the harm they do.at least those who have best of intentions. I take ownership that I have a way to go to act beyond society’s indoctrination of men into the role of abuser and objectifier.

Thank you so much.

Like I said. I’m still disappointed there weren’t more men actively supporting this post. But I was grateful to read this comment.

Men, many of you still have a long way to go in recognising the impact you have, the roles you play and the opportunities you miss to support women.

But this comment? It’s a good start.

*Disclaimer: I only ‘saw’ female friends of mine link the post. If any men did, please let me know.

And another disclaimer. Some people I know avoid this subject matter for personal and private reasons. I support that. I’m just saying that many people are just not interested, because they think this isn’t about them. But it is.


One Response to “Where dem boys at?”

  1. buddhahaha said

    Glad to read your post-mortem on this – just as interesting as the original post. Also love the post title, and the second disclaimer (which may also be another post itself!).

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