Letter to myself ca. 2006

September 8, 2011

(I originally wrote this for Muse Feminist Magazine. You can read the full pdf here. I guess I’m being a bit lazy, reposting old stuff)

Letter to myself

What I wish someone had told me when I was first pregnant –  by Karin Brown

Try not to be too afraid. I know it’s a shock but trust me when I say it won’t seem so strange later. I know that right now you have a million thoughts running through your mind and your heart is pounding. Your heart will settle down. Your thoughts will stop racing. They will begin to organise themselves and slowly you will make sense of this new reality.

You have choices, you know that, but I also know in your heart you have made your decision. It’s a gamble, sure, but it always is. If a child will break a relationship it  will do so whether the relationship is ten months or ten years old. Trust in your judgement. I can tell you that it will pay off.

You will be tested. More than you think. You will become a walking opportunity for other people’s projections and many people will have opinions which they will feel compelled to share. They will give you advice whether you want it or not. Smile, say thank you and take only what you want from it. You’ll surprise yourself. You’ll peel back old layers and discover new layers of yourself underneath. You will grow but you will still be you.

Your body will change, but it will never feel foreign. You’ll get stretchmarks that will reach like flames over your stomach and you will need to acknowledge your changing body. There will be days when you are clumsy and there will be days when you truly feel like the goddess you are. There will be times when you are sore, and there will be moments when you sit in wonder at the little life inside you, incredibly aware of your own mortality. You are never closer to death than when you are carrying life.

Though I know you long for a natural delivery, on the day it will happen the way it must and not the way you expect. Both you and the baby will work very hard. Hold on to yourself. Hold on to those with you. You are not alone. Ask for help when you need it. Don’t turn it down when it’s offered just for the sake of being stubborn or independent. This is the beginning of your transformation. Allow it to happen.

Love Me xxx

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One Response to “Letter to myself ca. 2006”

  1. Wendy said

    How about some reflections now that five years have passed? 🙂

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